Trailer Trash: No. 1 of the Secret Service

As a boy I was a big fan of the ‘Naked Gun’ spoof films, they seemed to end appropriately at the golden dawn of spoof movies in the nineties, around ‘Wayne’s World’ (I will argue firmly that Wayne’s World is part of the spoof genre), the tail end of ‘National Lampoon’ and both ‘Hot Shot’s’. The thought that morons in Hollywood are even considering reviving the franchise (with Ed fucking Helms no less) saddens me greatly.

‘No. 1 of the Secret Service’ was one of the original spoofs, the ludicrous opening to the trailer is part Bond, part ‘Dirty Harry’ as the Secret Agent No. 1 gives double barrels to a sniper and somehow catches two bullets in mid-flight, forming them into a little cluster of lead. It’s the kind of thing you’d see as commonplace in one of those atrocious Marvel movies (I’m a DC guy, so Fuck you Kevin Feige!).

A sleazy guitar riff that encourages trousers to fall and bras to unfasten, soundtracks assasinations, a barber shop fight scene and a demonstration of invisble bullet proof walls. The villain introduced is Mr Loveday, a confident member of the elite whose organisations evil mantra is the acronym K.R.A.S.H. that stands for Killing, Raping, Arson, Slaughter and Hits.

I especially like the final thirty seconds of this trailer, as No.1 piles up the bodies with a Machine Gun, the clip is part ‘Hot Shots Part Deux’ as the body count piles up, and part ‘Rambo 4’ which parodies the parody in a serious way (is there a word for this other than post-modern imitation?). Shit, this came out in 1977, so ahead of its time.

The voiceover guy tells you that “No.1 sleeps with his 2.357 combat magnums and both eyes open”. Glorious!




Trailer Trash: Wolfcop

Tempt me in two and a half minutes. Get me to the cinema, to Netflix, to the bargain bin; make me watch your film. Trailer Trash looks at the hard sell. I watch the trailer and then ask myself – Do I want to watch this movie?

The opening few seconds of the trailer remind me of a the satanic premise of the 1971 outlaw biker movie ‘Werewolves on Wheels’, in that hooded druidy types kidnap an unwilling victim. They cast a spell and turn man into beast.

In ‘Wolfcop’, it appears our deadbeat hung-over cop protagonist wakes up, thinking it was all a nightmare. Officer Lou Garou is his name, flashing up in big bad bold white text. The change is given away all too easily for my liking, but since this is essentially a grindhouse spoof it doesn’t matter if we know the finer details of the plot. ‘Wolfcop’ looks like it is full of snappy one-liners, and “memorable” moments. Taking the ‘Snakes on a Plane’ now well-trodden marketing approach of turning a silly concept into a ninety minute leave your brains at the door kind of movie. It seems rather obvious that ‘Wolfcop’ will rely on word of mouth, a viral gush of “You’ve gotta see this” that propelled such cult classics like ‘Sharknado’ into the public consciousness.

On a side note, I really like the idea of the werewolf shedding his skin, leaving behind evidence of who he is.