Future War (1997)

When I saw this in my “list of future movies”, I got quite excited – a cyborg master race from the future! Dinosaur trackers! Human slaves! The battle taking place in modern day Los Angeles! But something was nagging at the back of my mind.

Then I remembered. “Mystery Science Theater 3000” did it. Their last season, admittedly, when they weren’t exactly firing on all comedic cylinders any more, but still their writers are probably better at their job than I am.

The basic gist of things is a Nun accidentally runs over an escaped slave from the future, and helps him in his battle against not only the dinosaur trackers, but the cyborg super-race who “created” them both. Now, it’s shown early on that our hero Daniel Bernhardt (who was in the “Bloodsport” sequels before appearing in lots of fairly big budget things in small roles – he’s a goon in “John Wick”, for example) is really good at kicking ass, so you’re presented with the “why aren’t the cyborgs much stronger than the humans?” conundrum right from the beginning. It wants to confuse you! That the cyborgs are schlubby looking guys with mullets and raccoon-eye makeup is just par for the course here.

Anyway, not too much sense going on about this one. The experts have covered this ground, but I wanted to refresh your memory, in case you wondered why I’d ignored such a (relatively) well-known addition to the “Future” canon. Or, indeed, an entry in the respective filmographies of Bernhardt and the late, great Robert Z’Dar, who’s also a future cyborg but annoyingly eschews the makeup.

Rating: thumbs up


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