Bad movie afficionados of an older generation may remember “Orgy Of The Dead”, the Ed Wood Jr – written movie (although to call it written is perhaps overstating it) where a couple has a car crash, wanders into a clearing in the woods and watches bored-looking women strip for about an hour. Back in the day when you had to pay serious cash money to see these monstrosities, I bought a VHS of it only to go from rubbing my hands with glee at the thought of more work from the great Ed Wood to falling asleep at yet another partially undressed, sort of dowdy 1960s lady (ps – the twist at the end is that the couple are dead and this is some sort of purgatory. It’s not worth the wait to find that out).
Although the Priors are nowhere near as famous as Ed Wood, and this is rightly completely forgotten, it’s sort of in the same ballpark. Ted Prior, star of “Sledgehammer” and almost all his brother David’s movies, had a side-gig in LA of being a Playgirl model / bodybuilder and, between “Sledgehammer” and his second narrative movie, “Killzone” (review coming soon) he made this, which also stars at least one “Scream Queen”, Michelle Bauer. The only other cast member with an IMDB photograph is a lady by the name of Shauna Green, a porn actress who committed suicide the year after this movie was released. Her extraordinarily sad life story, which makes Dana Plato’s look like a walk in the park, can be read about on Wikipedia, should you have had a good day and want to feel bad for a moment.
It’s a soft-core videotape which you can still watch in its entirety provided you have ad-blockers and strong antivirus protection, on any number of “adult video” sites, and really isn’t a movie at all. It’s an hour’s worth of extreme closeups of hot bodies in motion, exercising or just moving about, on an entirely blank background to make it look like they’re in limbo. I guess. Clearly, there was some sort of market for this thing. Anyway, Ted is in it, for a few minutes, and if anything I’ve said so far appeals to you in the slightest, then please go and watch it. The director, one Bruce Seth Green, went on to direct lots of TV (including a decent number of early episodes of “Buffy The Vampire Slayer”).
The microscopic gap between the low-rent B-movies I love and genuinely awful sleaze becomes a little miserable, at times. Normal service will be resumed soon.