This is the story of a man who, spiralling into depression following the end of his relationship, lives in squalor for a year before making a last-ditch attempt to win his ex-girlfriend back during the weekend of her wedding. His antics become more and more psychopathic before he finally ruins the wedding ceremony itself and is arrested, spending the rest of his life in an asylum (while having a dream, over and over, where the woman leaves her husband-to-be at the altar and they live happily ever after).
That is, honestly, the most sensible reading of this movie. Four years after the rotten, sexist, homophobic “Ski School”, someone was presumably contractually obliged to make a sequel. Dean Cameron looks like the last four years had been very very hard on him, and the wacky hijinks that seemed at least tolerable when a young-ish guy was doing them seem kinda sad when performed by someone like Cameron in 1994 (despite him only being 32 at the time, he looks a good decade older).
Dave Marshak (Cameron) gets an invitation to his ex-girlfriend Beth’s wedding, and decides to try and win her back. To this end, he enlists his best friend Alex, a man who is literally irresistible to women; Toddorbert, the resident semi-dangerous lunatic (£10 says you can guess the story behind his name before the film tells you); and Tomcat (Will Sasso, in a very early role), the perpetual beginner on the slopes. The four of them discover that the guy is only marrying Beth because she owns the ski resort and there’s a clause in her father’s will that if he marries her, he gets control of it; rather than just explain it to her calmly, they do weird stunts and throw snarky insults at the guy, including at one point calling him a paedophile.
Making the fiancee an idiot is the easiest cop-out imaginable. Beth split up with Dave because he refused to commit, and during the course of the movie he makes zero growth as a character and only wins out at the end (spoiler, I don’t want anyone watching this) because the competition is even worse. The idea of Beth not wanting either of them, with very good reason, is never even hinted at.
It’s just so lazy! Because they need an easy joke or two, the ski resort town can support a very busy heavy metal lesbian bar; when Dave decides to crank this party up a notch and starts serving drinks, they run through the lame list of cocktails with rude names, a gag which must have been showing its age even then. For no reason other than to be cruel to the guy, our heroes divert a male stripper from Beth’s bachelorette party to that bar so he gets his ass kicked. The hot mysterious new skiier tells Dave she’s a nude painter – but she doesn’t paint nude people, she paints in the nude! On a snowy mountain! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Luckily, there’s still plenty of boobs in this movie. Alex, for no reason, turns women into senseless sex monsters just by being somewhere near them – I mean, he’s a good looking guy, but the effect is supernatural. Still, it’s slightly less offensively sexist than the last one, which indicates progress had been made in the intervening years, I suppose. But they try! Beth wins a skiing tournament and the course commentator spends most of the time talking about her fiancee.
There’s an occasional ray of light, though, even in a movie as bad as this. Will Sasso was clearly given no direction in some scenes, so you can see him in the background, pulling an insane series of faces while talking to no-one. I get the feeling he was trying to warn us.
It’s such a pointless movie. Made for no reason, enjoyed by no-one, not funny, not titilating, and quite deeply sad a lot of the time. Also, as I’m a bored movie reviewer and count these things, there are 10 different skiing montages in the movie that do nothing other than take up space. I feel bad for everyone involved.
Rating: thumbs down