Bigfoot’s Wild Weekend (2012)

Bigfoot's Wild Weekend Poster

I can forgive low-budget movies a lot of things – poor special effects, lack of sets, lack of star power, among many others – but one thing I can’t forgive is when they get stuff wrong that doesn’t cost any extra to get right. “Bigfoot’s Wild Weekend” features editing so poor that characters are seen staring off to the side, waiting for the “action” call, before starting the scene; and there are multiple examples of people stepping on each others’ lines. Seriously, how short for time were you that you couldn’t do a take 2 of anything?

For the first twenty minutes or so, I was convinced that this was an “adult” film parody, so rotten and stupid was everything about it. We basically have three groups of people – one, campers from the Hyman Reform School for Girls (that counts as a joke by this film’s standards), two, a reporter for a National Enquirer style newspaper, a TV reporter and the Sheriff, and three, all the drunk, stoned or just stupid locals. They wander round the woods trying to find Bigfoot, eventually there’s a mind-buggeringly stupid twist and the film just sort of ends, like a deflating balloon.

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But before the film ends, we have a few pauses – the most important of which is for a stripping contest at the local bar, which joins those from “Cybernator” and “Agent Beetle” as the worst and ugliest strip clubs ever captured on film. A bunch of women in swimwear gyrate around for the remarkably excited rednecks, then eventually there’s an award and the women fight for it. Hahaha! Two of the reform school girls decide to have sex, and it was so boring to look at and went on so long that I eventually just fast-forwarded through it. Sorry, perverts! This film is too boring.

Some of the acting is so bad that I’m convinced a few of the cast had not only never acted before, but never heard of the concept of acting until they were shoved on the set. The school has a security guard, an English woman, who just shouts all her dialogue; and the journalist, maybe the central role in the movie, just looks incredibly nervous all the time (plus, for a reporter, he carries nothing with him – no notepad, no Dictaphone, no camera). The nerdy girl from the reform school has a huge, terrible wig on, which makes me wonder if some of the cast are actually adult movie stars and they’re not used to acting fully clothed. I really want to understand why they made it so bad! Are these the best actors they could find?

Just so I’m not all a negative nelly, it is funny from time to time (they could have really used a rewrite from a proper comedy writer though), and the super-local advertising is a welcome throwback to the micro-budget creature features of the 70s and early 80s that would have repeated mentions of some local bar, or how the town next door was ugly and stupid.

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But just to be clear, I am being really negative. This film was beyond terrible, like a joke between two high school stoners that amazingly made it to the screen. If they were aiming for “dumbest ending ever”, then that might be the only target they came close to hitting.

Rating: thumbs down

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