The Coed And The Zombie Stoner (2014)


Finally, a feminist masterpiece we can all be proud of. The Asylum have read the works of bell hooks, they’ve read “The Female Eunuch” and “The Beauty Myth”, and they’ve taken part in a few Reclaim The Night walks. They’ve used all that information and positivity and channelled it into this, the film that could be called the first truly great piece of feminist cinema of the 21st century.

Just kidding! They’ve made a film where women flashing their boobs stops zombies!

This film starts at the point where even the crassest comedy film would go “yeah, this joke is a bit too much for us”. Chrissy is a nerdy girl who’s in a sorority, for some reason, and has a douchebag of a jock boyfriend. The head of the sorority steals her boyfriend, then tells her unless she has a new boyfriend, from a fraternity, in 24 hours, she’ll be kicked out of the sorority, and that will cause her to lose her scholarship. My (American) wife leaned over and said “in case you were wondering, that would never happen”.

Luckily for her, she meets handsome zombie Rigo, but of course doesn’t realise he’s a fully paid-up member of the walking dead. He was created by her science teacher, in a handy coincidence, decades ago, and as he was smoking a joint at the moment of zombification, he’s perfectly preserved, and as long as he has a regular supply of the demon weed, is in no danger of killing people. He’s a nice guy, despite not being able to speak, and the scene where he enrols at ZBE frat (which counts as a subtle joke in this movie) to help out Chrissy is kinda funny.

Of course, he mometarily loses his temper at a party, which causes the virus to start spreading, and that’s the film, as Chrissy, Rigo, the nerds, the jocks and the hot girls have to fight off a zombie epidemic. This is after the scene where Chrissy and Rigo are voted cutest couple, despite him being a mute guy with bright yellow eyes and white skin, and her being a nerd.

"No, we can't both act at the same time!"

“No, we can’t both act at the same time!”

My notes say “haha boobs” and I’ve underlined it several times during the course of the film. The number of jokes that just have a topless woman as their punchline is surprisingly high, and if you like boobs then you’ll definitely find a lot – a LOT – to enjoy. Coincidentally, there’s not a single bit of male flesh on display. Who likes looking at men? Apparently, no-one who’s ever seen an Asylum movie. Or maybe, finding men willing to strip down their undies on camera is more difficult? Who knows.

So, of course there’s a weed-based cure for the zombie virus, and our heroes will need to figure out clever ways to use it. The prototype turns one of the nerds (who seems to be doing a weird Andy Samberg impersonation) into a “woman”, because of course, and as the finished product is in spray form, several people use it to just get high and have sex with each other. Why not, eh? There are a lot of crescendos in this movie, like they finished it and went “whoops, 10 minutes short” and had to shoot a bunch more stuff, only they did that three or four times.

Reviewing a comedy as crass as this seems an exercise in futility, really. If you see the title and laugh, chances are you’re going to watch it and reviews be damned. The annoying thing is, there’s moments where you can see the writer had a decent idea, and even a few where those ideas were executed well, which makes the dross surrounding it even more annoying. The zombies largely go back to their old routines, in a nod to “Dawn Of The Dead”, so you get lots of zombies getting high, or staring at boobs, and in one scene the zombies hold a beauty pageant, with a human host and judges. It’s just, the good ideas in this film are drowned out by the giggling 15 year old heart of the movie who really, really, likes boobs and weed.

There’s a strong hint of “Warm Bodies” in this, a genuinely great film about zombies and humans coming together, which unfortunately reminds us of how not-great this one is. I think there’s something to be said for a film which ignores standards of good taste and just gives it to us with both barrels, but even those films don’t have to be so stupid. So, after a run of films I kind-of liked, we’re back down at The Asylum’s normal level. It feels comforting in a way, like knowing that night follows day.

Rating: thumbs down

A short PS. My first view of this film was from a Youtube channel run by one of the Asylum’s employees, director of photography Laura Beth Love (pictured below). She’s smart and funny and knows her stuff, and helps make the cheap-ass movies look decent (for all its flaws, “The Coed and the Zombie Stoner” looks great). Seeing her behind-the-scenes video made me sad, because there’s a heck of a lot of talent at The Asylum, and I wish they’d channel that talent into something a bit…better? More worthwhile?


A shorter PPS – for absolutely no reason whatsoever, this film has two different versions of the same poster, one featuring the cast, one featuring two people in the same pose. I don’t care enough to find out why they did it, but have a look at this and tell me if you can figure it out.


One thought on “The Coed And The Zombie Stoner (2014)

  1. Oh yes, and for absolutely no reason whatsoever two different posters for this film exist – exactly the same pose, but with two different people playing the coed and the zombie stoner. If you’ve got any idea why they did this, write in.

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