Exterminators of the Year 3000 (1983)

Exterminators-of-the-Year-3000

 

After a break from bad movies, perhaps it was a mistake to jump right back into the deep end with one like “Exterminators Of The Year 3000”. I remained convinced for the first half hour or so that I’d seen it before, for reasons which may well become apparent as this review continues, and for the last half hour I wondered what on earth was going on and why I should be bothered by it.

Anyway, police. A couple of rebellious but decent-seeming cops keep going when they’re asked to turn in, and their penalty for wanting to do too good a job is to be murdered by the apparent hero of the movie, “Alien”. Whether he’s a literal or metaphorical alien is sadly never mentioned in the film, but what he does have is a sweet perm, and that crap-covered leather that we fans of films like this know and love. Then, I think, someone unrelated to this brawl steals Alien’s car and we get a seemingly endless car chase (don’t worry, the piece of garbage gets found later on). Why we’re supposed to give a damn about any of this is an important fact the filmmakers sadly chose to leave out.

Never seen anything like this beforzzzz

Never seen anything like this beforzzzz

The plot is…I bet I could say “Italian early 80s post-apocalyptic movie” and you’d be able to get 75% of it off the top of your head. A town needs water and sends out a search party to get some, everyone apart from the plucky kid gets killed, Alien and the kid sort of team up with Alien’s ex-girlfriend against a pack of buggy-driving scumbags who also want the water. Hey, dummies! If you know where the water is, why not move your town there rather than staying in the middle of a damn desert?

One thing to “like” about this is how they don’t really bother with any backstory for anyone, or reasonable justifications for anyone’s actions. Another thing to definitely like is how the people dubbing this Italian masterpiece didn’t want to swear so we get a heck of a lot of people called “mothergrabber”. One final thing to enjoy is despite the world apparently having pretty much no water left, about half the scenes were obviously filmed on overcast days (so it’s definitely raining somewhere) and there’s a ton of vegetation, including a couple of presumably accidental shots of lovely lush meadows off in the distance. And there’s the music, rarely used sensibly and often wonderfully out of place with the action taking place on screen.

It’s rubbish, obviously. It looks so much like “Warriors of the Lost World” and “Warriors of the Wasteland” that I kept dozing off then waking up and wondering why I was watching either of those pieces of crap again. One thumbs up comes from seeing Luciano Pigozzi (aka Alan Collins) pop up, one of my favourite “That Guy” actors – seriously, check out his IMDB page and it’s just wonderful-terrible B-movies.

Anyway, I’m glad…it’s over, I suppose. When my memories of this film fade, the abiding memory will just be of buggy-fights, and lots of people getting angry about not much, and one of the most hilariously out of place downbeat endings I’ve seen in ages. And wondering when those cars were made to still be operational in the year 3000. Still, it’s on Youtube for nothing, so if you’re really stumped for entertainment choices?

Rating: thumbs down

Her second from the left kills them all, in case you were wondering

Her second from the left kills them all, in case you were wondering

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