Seattle Superstorm (2012)

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America has too many scientists. Want to know how I know this? Well, in just about every movie we’ve reviewed for this site, when some weird disaster happens, there’s always a scientist with an intimate knowledge of the situation within 500 yards of ground zero.

I got excited for a second with this one, because it started right in the middle of the action, and the action looked good. But then I realised who I was dealing with here – SyFy Channel, who never met a nondescript room they didn’t fill with people looking busy pretending to work for some government agency or other. So we go back 9 hours and witness a chain of moderately implausible events that cause a super storm to almost wipe Seattle off the map. Yay, I guess?

A new family is coming together. Dad is an brilliant scientist (of course); his soon to be wife is fairly high up in the Army; her teenage daughter is an environmental activist; and his teenage son is an idiot. Seriously, every single line out of his stupid mouth is about how the daughter is stupid and gas-guzzling cars are the best and the environment is lame, and by the ten minute mark I was praying for a lump of the Seattle Space Needle to fall on his head. They all witness a fragment of some…thing, not a meteor probably…hitting the local market, so are right there for all the big developments. The guy in charge of the federal disaster management group is more bothered about protecting tourism in Seattle than he is about saving lives, so can our heroes save the day without his help?

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You really don’t need me to answer that question. One day they’ll do a film where the good guys fail completely and it will be glorious, but today is not that day. They really weren’t trying when they made this, they probably got the rights to film the Space Needle and went “we need to write a film around this, now!” The special effects are garbage, there’s some properly rotten acting, and how the Army was able to take over the scene in Seattle, within minutes, indicates either extremely lazy writing or that they have way too many members of the Armed Forces in the USA.

Ona Grauer, who had a fairly large role on one of the Stargate series (and a smaller part in “Supernatural”), and Esai Morales, who was on “Caprica”, indicate that this is an in-house production. And they’re by far the biggest names in the cast, as well. Still, the list of nonentities is far from the worst of this film’s problems…

When they had a whispered conversation about tricking the Disaster Management boss, only he was five feet away from them in quiet room, I mentally checked out of this one. If they’re not going to bother, why should I? Anyway, the message of this film is that if you’re having family troubles, put yourself in the centre of a potentially catastrophic disaster and just sort of hang around.

Rating: thumbs down

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One thought on “Seattle Superstorm (2012)

  1. Pingback: The ISCFC vs. The SyFy Channel |

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