Silent Night, Zombie Night (2009)

silentnight_zombienight

I wonder sometimes about publicity, even from a site as small as ours, being bad for some films. Like, they’re so *nothing* that just mentioning them, keeping their name out there, is a negative act. But let’s suffer through this one together.

Zombies attack people in the flat, boring bit of LA, and there are some cops who both love the same woman. Well, two cops. “Some” cops might have been interesting. Anyway, a fairly well-written story of a love triangle is bolted on to a boring zombie movie. This film features different sorts of zombies, but the main ones are fast ones, and I consider myself a slow-zombie purist.

I’m getting better at summing up films quickly! A few famous names from B-movies pop up for extended cameos, and if you’re really really starved of entertainment, or you’ve fallen and can’t reach the remote when this film comes on, you might have a third of a good time.

The main thing about this one is the sheer sense of pointlessness that runs through it like words through a stick of rock. One asshole went to another asshole “hey, how about a Christmas zombie movie?”, that guy’s Dad maybe knew someone at a production company, lo and behold, we get this. The sheer amount of effort that must have been spent on getting this film made is staggering when you get to the lack of any sort of reward for their action. It’s not bad, by any stretch, but badness is its own sort of entertaining, as readers of this site will know. It’s not good either. It’s just nothing.

I don’t think a single person has a strong opinion on this film. Not any of the people who made it, not any of the people who starred in it and certainly not any of the people who saw it. I’d like a ten-year moratorium put on zombie movies, and after that, we just pick the scripts that are worth a damn to make. Not this. Seriously, watching this has bummed me out more than “Manos: The Hands Of Fate” ten times in a row.

Rating: thumbs down

His duckface impressed no-one

His duckface impressed no-one

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