Sharkzilla (2002)

220px-Megalodonmovie

This is a curious film. It’s a sort of mashup between “The Abyss” and “Deep Blue Sea”, where there’s no real villains, no-one you’d really call a hero, no romance, and few deaths. It’s the quietest, mellowest giant monster movie you’re ever likely to see.

Also, it’s renamed from “Megalodon”, which leads me to believe this is a TV edit (I watched it at 4 in the afternoon on one of the lower satellite channels). I wonder if the uncut version is a breakneck speed gore-filled romp? Nah, probably not. The problem with calling this “Sharkzilla” is there’s an actual film from 2012 with that name, which has some of the “Mythbusters” team in it playing themselves. But then, there’s another film called “Megalodon” from the same year as this, and…ah, who cares?

Why can’t low-budget films ever get news broadcasts right? The newsreader’s always too small in a corner, and usually the background is weird too. This film’s newsreader appears to be stood up and casually leaning forward against a table, and she gives us the environmental disaster news and then tells us of Colossus, the world’s biggest oil rig and one designed for the deep see stuff no-one could ever get to before. Christen, the reporter for the news channel, goes to Colossus to do a hard-hitting story about them.

The problem is, she never really gets it. The bloke in charge of Colossus is a fairly decent guy with no hidden secrets; the rest of the extremely small crew of the monstrously large oil rig are all, by and large, okay people – including Mark Sheppard, best known to TV fans as Crowley from “Supernatural”. She interviews the crew on the rig as well as going down in what amounts to a lift, down to the bottom of the ocean. Their drilling finds a path to an amazing variety of animals, all sealed off from humanity for lord knows how long, including the Megalodon, a prehistoric shark-like monster.

sharkzilla

I make notes while watching films, so I can give you readers maximum entertainment. For this one, they’re pretty much all “this film’s a bit quiet”, “everyone’s too calm” and “HURRY UP YOU SHARK BASTARD”. He doesn’t show up til past the hour mark, and you know what? I’m not sure a story of people going up and down in a lift and chatting about the environment is really enough to hold a film called “Sharkzilla” together.

So, I say if this film comes on TV, you can still get some enjoyment from it. The scene where they find the cave with all the weird creatures in it is quite beautiful, and it’s an experience quite unlike any other giant shark movie you’ll ever see.

Rating: thumbs down (sorry)

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