Wheel of Time (2003)


Directed by: Werner Herzog

Whilst describing ‘Grizzly Man’ to a friend who hadn’t seen the documentary I stated that Werner Herzog is one of the finest documentary makers of all time. I fear I may have put the mockers on my own estimations of Herzog’s wprk before I had watched ‘Wheel of Time’, as it turned out to be one of the dullest documentaries I’ve ever seen.

I wondered whether I have a problem with Buddhism, or should I say the Westernized wishy washy Buddhism that I’ve encountered this year when on my own personal spiritual exploration. To give you a little context, I am currently studying on a University course that promotes the idea of personal development; part of my course encouraged me to explore my spiritual side. So, ever open to new ideas and experiences I decided a few months ago to visit my local Buddhist Centre in Norwich.

It was a Sunday, if I recall correctly around four o’clock in the afternoon. I remembered that I was a little hungover after an all-nighter, so perhaps I wasn’t in the best frame of mind. I turned up at the Buddhist Centre, sat awkwardly on a settee for a few minutes and watched several people, the regulars, walk in. It seemed everybody was hugging each other as they gathered. Being not the most tactile of people I shuddered. There was me, and two other first timers nervously perched on the settee. When the hugging ceased we were taken upstairs, politely asked to remove our shoes and told to grab a few red cushions from a cupboard. We then went into this large room and placed our cushions on the shiny wooden floor. I looked around and followed whatever the regulars were doing, piling my three cushions in an uneven fashion. A man wearing a white robe walked into the room. He lead the group in a nonsensical chant towards a picture of Buddha on the wall. They lost me from that point onwards.

Not willing to give up completely on Buddhism I attended a drop-in meditation at the Multi-faith Centre on my University campus. This was different, no chanting, no hierarchy, no cultish hugging rituals. We simply were encouraged to relax, and feel comfortable in our own headspace. I sensed from my experiences at the drop-in meditations that the whole purpose of Buddhism was not on the community or ceremony but to try and find some peace within your own mind.

Herzog’s ‘Wheel of Time’ covers the two Kalachakra initiations of 2002 that were overseen by the Dalai Lama. Focusing mostly on the first initiation that took place in Bodhgaya as opposed to the second which took place in a soulless exhibition hall in Austria. Thousands of Buddhists make the pilgrimages, several hundred thousand in the case of Bodhgaya. I think Herzog struggles to tell the personal stories of some of the pilgrims. There is almost an invisible barrier that prevents their spiritual consciousness translating over to film. Instead we observe the rituals, people gathering, people wandering, people getting animated and excitable, and that odd guttural chanting that was sampled on some of the tracks on the classic Beastie Boys album ‘Ill Communication’, but nothing springs to life for the uninitiated viewer other than a sense confusion. It is difficult to try and understand what’s happening.

The usual cautious Herzog narration permeates the documentary infrequently, and in ‘Wheel of Time’ the pictures fail to tell the story, and given that there is so much to be understood, not least for those not au fait with Buddhism, it seems Herzog got lazy. This could be due to Herzog’s reluctance to engage in the religious aspect of this subject. Unfortunately the director’s detachment could be misconstrued as a lack of interest in his subject. This is perhaps represented best by the tacked on coverage of the Dalai Lama’s trip to Austria.



Wheel of Time on IMDB


Sharkzilla (2002)


This is a curious film. It’s a sort of mashup between “The Abyss” and “Deep Blue Sea”, where there’s no real villains, no-one you’d really call a hero, no romance, and few deaths. It’s the quietest, mellowest giant monster movie you’re ever likely to see.

Also, it’s renamed from “Megalodon”, which leads me to believe this is a TV edit (I watched it at 4 in the afternoon on one of the lower satellite channels). I wonder if the uncut version is a breakneck speed gore-filled romp? Nah, probably not. The problem with calling this “Sharkzilla” is there’s an actual film from 2012 with that name, which has some of the “Mythbusters” team in it playing themselves. But then, there’s another film called “Megalodon” from the same year as this, and…ah, who cares?

Why can’t low-budget films ever get news broadcasts right? The newsreader’s always too small in a corner, and usually the background is weird too. This film’s newsreader appears to be stood up and casually leaning forward against a table, and she gives us the environmental disaster news and then tells us of Colossus, the world’s biggest oil rig and one designed for the deep see stuff no-one could ever get to before. Christen, the reporter for the news channel, goes to Colossus to do a hard-hitting story about them.

The problem is, she never really gets it. The bloke in charge of Colossus is a fairly decent guy with no hidden secrets; the rest of the extremely small crew of the monstrously large oil rig are all, by and large, okay people – including Mark Sheppard, best known to TV fans as Crowley from “Supernatural”. She interviews the crew on the rig as well as going down in what amounts to a lift, down to the bottom of the ocean. Their drilling finds a path to an amazing variety of animals, all sealed off from humanity for lord knows how long, including the Megalodon, a prehistoric shark-like monster.


I make notes while watching films, so I can give you readers maximum entertainment. For this one, they’re pretty much all “this film’s a bit quiet”, “everyone’s too calm” and “HURRY UP YOU SHARK BASTARD”. He doesn’t show up til past the hour mark, and you know what? I’m not sure a story of people going up and down in a lift and chatting about the environment is really enough to hold a film called “Sharkzilla” together.

So, I say if this film comes on TV, you can still get some enjoyment from it. The scene where they find the cave with all the weird creatures in it is quite beautiful, and it’s an experience quite unlike any other giant shark movie you’ll ever see.

Rating: thumbs down (sorry)

Grizzly Man (2005)


Directed by: Werner Herzog

There’s a moment in Grizzly Man when I welled up, and almost cried at the insane beauty of nature, as a fox climbs upon the roof of Timothy Treadwell’s tent. Its paw prints are seen from the inside, pitter patting down the the tent. Treadwell goes outside and is able to make contact with the fox. Over a few days the fox then becomes tame, trusting Treadwell, and following him around like a stray puppy might after being given a scrap of meat. The two play together, at one stage the fox even steals his baseball cap and flees back to its den, causing an exasperated Treadwell to yell expletives. It’s profoundly sweet, but something that should never happen in the wild.

Werner Herzog’s documentary is a powerful piece of film making put together from hundreds of hours of footage that Timothy Treadwell shot during his many expeditions to Katmai National Park in Alaska observing grizzly bears. Like another passionate and eccentric animal lover Steve Irwin, Treadwell would eventually run out of luck and feel the full force of the dangerous creatures he got so close to.

Herzog compassionately tells Treadwell’s story, presenting every aspect of a sad and lonely man who found his true calling in the wild. Treadwell was a man who related more to animals then he did to humans. Using testimonies from family and friends we were able to get a true picture of who Treadwell really was, and in terms of Treadwell’s own views, there is enough footage of him telling us exactly how he saw himself in the grand scheme of things.

The film does not shy away from Treadwell’s horrifically violent death at the hands of a bear that was likely starved after a harsh season when food stocks were especially low. We are told all the gory details by the pilot who discovered Treadwell and his travelling companion Amie Huguenard’s remains, and the brutal extent of the damage from a coroner who seems thrilled to be on camera.

Huguenard is a ghostly presence throughout the film. The true representation of the cost of human life, she isn’t really given a voice and this frustrates Herzog, because you get the impression that he worries deeply that Huguenard will be forever forgotten. There simply isn’t enough footage to tell Amie’s story. We only learn from a diary entry that she was scared of bears.

Wildlife experts and conservationists are unsympathetic about Timothy’s demise. They all more or less say that he got what he deserved. That man must respect nature’s boundaries and never try and befriend bears. Treadwell would get within feet of the bears, stand his ground and allow them to sniff his fingers, as if he was a confronted by a kitten and not a furry beast. Treadwell is brave, crazy brave, and there was an unhinged element to his personality which meant he was able to go where no man would dare to go.

Herzog’s skill as a documentary maker is simply that he captures honesty. In another director’s hands everything might have been sugar coated and over-sentimentalized. Several times he chimes in and contributes his own thoughts, an almost loose director’s commentary that filters in and out at appropriate moments. Towards the end of the film he says “And what haunts me, is that in all the faces of all the bears that Treadwell ever filmed, I discover no kinship, no understanding, no mercy. I see only the overwhelming indifference of nature. To me, there is no such thing as a secret world of the bears. And this blank stare speaks only of a half-bored interest in food. But for Timothy Treadwell, this bear was a friend, a savior.”


Grizzly Man on IMDB

RoboGeisha (2009)


Directed by: Niboru Iguchi

I’ve only just realised that I really hate low budget films that knowingly aim for cult status. I want good stories that are told on shoe string budgets, wonky scenery and fluffed lines. I want the genuinely bad, because it was unintentionally genuinely bad, not the “we’re being too clever for our own good” school of cult film making that knowingly makes a film bad. You know, the kind of directors who create buzz worthy set pieces that will be made into endlessly recycled Gif’s or feature in short videos put together by smart aleck’s with too much time on their hands (yes, even more time than it takes to write a movie review). The ridiculousness of acidic breast milk being fired from rubber nipples or shuriken’s being shooting out of somebody’s bottom. Lowest common denominator humour permeates RoboGeisha and means the film ends up becoming a campy mix of the more risqué elements of the ‘Carry On’ films alongside fights scenes that wouldn’t have looked out of place in ‘The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers’. I hope you now have a mental image of Barbara Windsor in the pink ranger outfit.

The opening of the film isn’t half bad. It’s nonsensical but you have to go with it. A politician gets attacked by a robot, she splits in half and not one put two assassins appear from her body, Russian doll style. Then Yoshie the RoboGeisha turns up to save the day. Arse kicking karate kicking chicks deliver powerful lines like “You touch my tits and frankly they’ll be a hole in your face”. It’s almost a modern take on Clark Gable’s classic line in ‘Gone with the Wind’. After taking care of the sinister threat Yoshie asks herself “What am I? A robot or a geisha?”


We then learn the origin story of the RoboGeisha, which begins in sibling rivalry. Yoshie is bullied at home by her older sister Kikue. Despite being incessant picked on she still loves her older sister. The pair are headhunted and then coerced into training as assassins for the evil Kageno Steel Corporation run by a malevolent Father and Son duo. The sisters are made to fight each other during one training drill, and Yoshie humiliates Kikue. Both end up getting mechanical implants to enhance their fighting skills, but whereas Kikue is all in when it comes to working for Kageno, Yoshie gets her head turned by a renegade group who tell her they’ve had family members kidnapped by the Corporation. The group make Yoshie aware about Kageno’s terrorist plans. Yoshie then faces a race against time to prevent a bomb getting dropped on Mount Fuji.

‘RoboGeisha’ isn’t a film suitable for any kind of deep critical analysis. You aren’t supposed to take it seriously, it’s one of those films that you tell your friends about, but not in the “you’ve got to see this because it’s brilliant” in an ironic way, but “for Christ’s sake watch this before the joke isn’t funny anymore”.

Since I’m a grouch, I didn’t really enjoy ‘RoboGeisha’ that much; the laughs all came in the opening scene. After that point I then became irritated and watched the rest of the movie with my arms folded, stuck in silence. There was not even a hint of a smile on my face as buildings bled, baddies got shrimps stuck in their eyes and Yoshie turned into a tank.


Robogeisha on IMDB

Knights of Badassdom (2014)


Filmed in 2010, still in post-production in 2012, finally released in 2014, apparently cut by the studio against the director’s wishes, disowned by one of its writers, and no review copies provided before its release. Just how bad is this?

Joe (Ryan Kwanten, shirtless wonder of “True Blood”) is a bit of a drifter through life. He’s a mechanic, is in a metal band – which has gone through doom, sludge and black metal styles, although when you hear him sing one of his songs at the end it sounds like pure 80s “hair” – and lives in the spare room of his friends Eric (Steve Zahn) and Hung (Peter Dinklage) place, a normal-ish house with the frontage of a mansion. They’re there to help Joe out when he gets dumped by first suggesting he goes LARPing with them, then when he refuses drugging and boozing him into unconsciousness, dressing him up in LARP gear and taking him to an event.

Live Action Role Playing is, by all accounts, tons of fun. Make yourself a character, make yourself some gear, get a foam weapon or two and go on adventures out in the woods. Imagination is required, obviously, but it’s a sub-culture that continues to thrive and long may it do so. Joe used to play D&D way back, but is years out of that life, although after some fairly mild protestation he sees Gwen (Summer Glau) walking past and decides to change his mind. Gwen joins their group, along with her cousin Gunther who thinks it’s all real, and Lando (Danny Pudi) who tries to bend the rules at every opportunity. Gamesmaster Ronnie Kwok (Jimmi Simpson) insists that Joe’s character be introduced to the world via a summoning spell, so Eric produces the old book he found on the internet and proceeds to read a passage out of it. Little does he know that the book is a real 16th century tome on witchcraft and suchlike, and rather than having a bit of fun they summon a succubus demon, which takes on the shape of Joe’s ex Beth (Margarita Levieva).


The large LARP event continues on, with the different teams doing their quests and having a good time, while the succubus picks off people out in the woods on their own. Oh, and there’s a subplot with a group of locals who are into paintballing hating the LARP guys. When the demon finally reveals itself, they accidentally turn it into an enormous beast, and it would have been demon vs. a bunch of guys with foam swords but luckily, Eric is a genius real weapon-maker, and has all sorts of swords and axes in his van.

There are two sides to this film, the plot and the comedy. The comedy is strong – Peter Dinklage is, of course, amazing (even if it sounds like he’s doing an impression of the Saturday Night Live sketch “The Californians”); Joe’s fish-slightly-out-of-water reactions to the LARP never stray over the line into mockery of the culture, the people doing the LARP fights are all into it, so there’s lots of dramatic swordplay and honourable “deaths”, and the authority figure of Ronnie Kwok, while he could have been a cartoon villain, is just a guy who wants to make a great adventure for everyone. There’s maybe a bit too much of that thing where someone will exclaim loudly in faux-medieval, then sneak in the real-life meaning of their words quietly afterwards, but this is small potatoes. There’s a lot of laughs in this film, it’s got a cast of comedy heavy-hitters and they’re all on form.

The plot is where the problems lie. They handwave away them owning a one-of-a-kind book of almost incalculable value; Joe gets over his ex very quickly indeed; the subplot of Gunther’s mental problems is played for laughs and has no resolution; the succubus is a complete non-character; and the paintball subplot goes absolutely nowhere. When you think of the number of people who die in this film, too, you’re expecting some sort of reset spell, because comedies which end with 5 people out of a hundred left alive are sort of a tough sell. Oh, there’s an epilogue bit where it tells you what happens to all the characters which feels tacked on by slightly less funny writers.

Overall, though, I liked this film. Low-key, decent sense of humour, and a raft of good-to-great performances. I think female / gay male viewers of this might have a bit of a gripe, though. We get a nice tight focus on Summer Glau’s behind a few times, and there’s an entirely gratuitous lesbian kiss scene; but when it comes to revealing Ryan Kwanten’s shirtless physique, which my wife assures me is very nice to look at indeed, we get basically nothing. Seriously, filmmakers – people who like to look at naked and semi-naked men have just as much money to spend on films as those who like to look at women, so if you’re going to throw in gratuitous scenes, give everyone what they want. Has anyone who wasn’t an enormous asshole ever complained about there being too much male flesh on display in a film?

Rating: thumbs up


Apocalypse Pompeii (2014)


I have a lot of time for Adrian Paul and John Rhys Davies, stars of two of my favourite series of the 90s, “Highlander” and “Sliders” (okay, they were both really cheesy, but I loved em). So any film where their names are above the title will have me in attendance.

I probably shouldn’t have bothered, though. I suppose this is a mockbuster for the soon-to-be-released “Pompeii”, but if it’s anything it’s a painfully ordinary recreation of a hundred other Asylum films, with the same beats, the same non-locations, the same wooden supporting people and the same everything else. It’s the morning after I watched it, and the details are already fast slipping from my mind.

Volcanoes be eruptin’. The Galapagos Islands are wiped out, then we see Adrian Paul, his wife and daughter on a trip to Italy. Dad is going to do some business deal in Naples (turns out he’s a former Black Ops Marine, and is now setting up a private security firm) and the ladies are going to see Pompeii. Well, almost as soon as they get there, Vesuvius erupts, and there we have the two sides of the film – mother and daughter trying to survive the eruption, father trying to rescue them.

JRD is a NATO army guy who helps out Dad by hooking him up with members of his old Black Ops unit, all of whom were conveniently located in Naples. I thought “ol John Rhys Davies, he looks like he’s playing the same part he played in “100 Degrees Below Zero”, and an IMDB check reveals that in this, he’s Colonel Carlos Dillard (Carlos is definitely a name I’d associate with an old Welshman) and in “100 Degrees…” he’s Colonel Ralph Dillard. What an odd bit of continuity across their films!

The scriptwriter clearly read the Wikipedia page on volcanoes in preparation for this, and his mouthpiece is the daughter, who knows all the tricks for avoiding the worst of the lava, the dangerous gases, and so on. So, blah blah blah. As a substitute for dramatic tension, the film just kills off cast members fairly regularly, but you know who’s going to survive anyway.

Time for a spoiler, just to indicate how terribly terribly dull this film is and how you definitely shouldn’t watch it. There are news reports of other volcanoes erupting, and with the title, you think there’s going to be an apocalypse, right? But then, right at the end, as our heroes stand and look proudly out over the ash, we get a from-nowhere radio news voice telling us the eruption is all done and everything’s going to be fine. Huh?

It’s all so pointless. The middle of the film is the mum and daughter sat in a room with the other survivors, talking, while Dad and friends are in a helicopter, talking. No drama, no spectacle, no nothing. Adrian Paul was never a great actor and it shows, while John Rhys Davies, who’s a fine actor when he tries, appears to be wearing a brand new set of false teeth which look horrible and affect the way he talks. And obviously isn’t trying either. Sorry John.

It’s not worth watching for a laugh, and it’s not worth watching for any level of excitement or fun either. Boo to this film.

Rating: thumbs down


Sand Sharks (2011)


This film is part of three different review series here at the ISCFC. First up is “Shark Movies”, following “Deep Blue Sea”, “Dinoshark”, “Jersey Shore Shark Attack”, “Swamp Shark”, “Ghost Shark”, (of course) “Sharknado”, and “Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast”. Along with “Snow Shark” it’s part of our “sharks moving through stuff they shouldn’t be able to move through” film series; and finally it’s the second in what I hope will be an ongoing Delpaneaux Wills (@DelpaneauxWills) series. He was in the sadly forgettable “Android Cop” but has a much funner part in this and if you look at his IMDB page, he’s in some films that sound great.

This film is amazing! Straight up, no fooling. Every ludicrous cliche in the monster movie handbook is dialed up to the maximum and the entire cast look like they’re having a blast. But I suppose you need me to tell you a bit about the film anyway? Okay. Corin Nemec stars as Jimmy Green, son of Mayor Greenburg and all-round sleazy douchebag. He has quite the past – dumped the Sheriff’s sister, leaving her with a ton of debt and skipping town; organised a party at some point in the past that left 15 people dead; and is now back because he’s had the idea for a Sand Man Festival, a bit like Burning Man crossed with Spring Break. Amazingly, for someone with such a poor track record at party organisation, the Mayor agrees!

We have, equally importantly, the disbelieving Sheriff, who doesn’t think the bodies they find initially are from a shark attack, and insists they keep the beaches open. Brenda, the Sheriff’s sister and now his Deputy, is a little less sure so she calls on a “scientist from the mainland” to help them identify the shark-like creature. Now, Denise Richards has always been the poster-girl for “unconvincing scientist” after her turn in “The World Is Not Enough” but this film has that one beaten comfortably. Brooke Hogan!


Brooke damn Hogan! Famous for being Hulk Hogan’s daughter, for him trying to buy her a music career, for him trying to buy her a wrestling career, but not sadly for having any appreciable talent in any field of the arts. She’s a marine scientist of some sort, and I really hope the film hired her as a joke.

Jimmy’s helped with his organising by Willie (Delpaneaux) who’s the social media king, and the nakedly ambitious and wonderfully named Amanda Gore (Gina Holden). While these guys are trying to rustle up some interest in the Sand Man Festival (I can’t help but think they ought to have advertised this a little better beforehand), the townspeople are gradually realising they’ve got a very ancient and very deadly shark in their midst. There’s the grizzled local hunter that lovers of “Jaws” will recognise, there’s a very unlikely developing relationship between the Sheriff and Dr. Brooke, and there’s the increasing realisation that Corin Nemec is history’s greatest monster.

There’s a scene in this you’ll all know and “love”. A group of people are walking along, arguing. One of them separates themselves from the throng and is shown in their own shot. They start talking about how there’s no such thing as monsters, or they’ve all been killed and everyone is safe, or something. They’ll have a green-screen behind them so you know you’re about to get a special effect, and without fail that person gets eaten. I feel like I’ve seen that exact scene in 20 movies – at least in this one there’s a good chance they’re mocking the convention.

The climactic beach party is a masterpiece of low-budget filmmaking. They’ve got maybe 100 extras, and they try their very hardest to make it look like a huge event, with overhead shots, weirdly precise spacing, and so on. Someone makes a shark out of sand on the beach, and guess where the real sand shark decides to make his appearance? People start running in panic, as Nemec makes his way through the crowd, trying to get everybody to keep dancing…if sharks were coming out of the sand, I’d have to assume after a few seconds of panic, everyone would run in the same direction – away from the sea and the sand. But no! People are still running towards the water minutes after the initial attack, perhaps again to make it look like a bigger event.

Add on the final battle between humans and sand sharks and you’ve got yourself a movie! I absolutely loved this. It doesn’t take itself seriously for one second, and Corin Nemec is funny as hell (his last scene with the Deputy is a highlight). The Mayor is marvellously odd, played by a chap called Edgar Allan Poe IV – presumably not a direct descendant, as the famous Poe never had children (he’s played Poe in several films and TV shows down the years, too). The mystery of the previous party is never revealed, Brooke Hogan makes references to Roger Corman and “Dinoshark”, and it fulfils three of the four rules of shark movies.

There’s never a dull moment, which makes me ponder the fairly bad reviews it’s received. I think too many people are expecting a “serious” movie when it comes to stuff like this, with good reason, so when one comes along which gleefully ignores the rulebook, I think some find it difficult to get their head round. But if you love monster movies and are in a good mood, this funny, stupid film will win you over.

Rating: thumbs up


Android Cop (2014)



This is a classic Asylum mockbuster. Their rules:
1. Find out when the big blockbuster sci-fi and action movies are going to be released
2. Think of a name which is close enough to remind everyone of that film, but not too close that you get sued (unless it’s a legend or public domain character)
3. Hire one or two B-list stars
4. Rip the plot off other, previously released, sci-fi and action movies
5. Make your film quickly enough to be released around the time of the blockbuster
6. Keep your fingers crossed that the blockbuster is a hit, and you can sweep up 0.01% of their profits

Michael Jai White is Hammond, a cop in 2037 Los Angeles. Large sections of the city are walled-off, apparently due to radioactive meltdowns, and the only people who go there are the unfortunate folk with radiation poisoning, criminals and cops. While Hammond and pals are in a bind, they call in backup and get this guy:

Trailbiking goes extreme in the future

Trailbiking goes extreme in the future

Of course, they become partners, and are sent into the forbidden zone, or whatever the hell it’s called, to rescue the Mayor’s daughter, who’s actually in a hospital bed in a coma but “inhabits” an android body. There’s police double-crossing, questions of LA real estate, a secret plan to take out every crime boss in the forbidden zone which is just a red herring, and (of course) major twists and turns.

While they’re after some of that sweet “Robocop” money, the thing this most resembles is an extended episode of TV show “Almost Human”. A human cop and his “wacky” android cop sidekick, in the future, try to save the day…there’s a taste of “Avatar” in there too, with people controlling, well, avatars. Throw in a bit of “Escape From New York”, then some of whatever movie it is where people can’t shoot for shit, and you’ve got yourself an Asylum feature.

Before I get on to whether the film was any good or not, I want to vent about a personal bugbear. Androids in films, almost without exception, make that annoying servo-motor sound whenever they walk, turn their heads or do pretty much anything. Firstly, movies, WE GET IT! We aren’t going to forget halfway through that the guy who can throw people through walls is more than human. Secondly, wouldn’t they have invented something silent by “the future”? Also, there are two androids in this film who don’t know they’re androids, and they can move without making an annoying noise constantly, so what’s up with that? Is it an affectation?

For a mockbuster, this film is alright. It’s good to see a film with a primarily black cast where it’s just not an issue – as well as Michael Jai White, Kadeem Hardison is the obviously-a-baddie cop, and Charles S Dutton is the Mayor (with a heavily accented Hispanic daughter). They’re steady hands, even if the rest of the acting isn’t up to much. Special effects are absolutely fine, they’ve found some suitably broken-up scenery, and it looks like it cost more than it probably did.

It’s just a bit pointless. Like I said, watch any two episodes of “Almost Human” and you’ll have a better time than with this film. The stakes are fairly low, the cheapness of the film shows through in the almost complete absence of supporting characters (and the police station is pretty much one room) and the Asylum format of knocking em out, never mind the quality tends to result in flatness like this. So, in other words, the perfect mockbuster. Very slightly entertaining and entirely forgettable.

Rating: thumbs down