13/13/13 (2013)


Directed by: James Cullen Bressack

There has been a steady progression in the directorial career of James Cullen Bressack, a man usually full of clever ideas, but lacking the budget to execute them. His latest film ‘13/13/13’ is in a similar vein to ’28 Days Later’, but with a Mayan calendar twist. It is a tale of lunacy and madness that stutters along without a satisfying payoff.

I’m going to choose to ignore the opening scene because it is the kind of dredge you’d find in a ‘Paranormal Activity’ movie trailer, and jump straight to the traditional American camping trip with the boys. Four old buddies are regaling each other with urban legends. One of them, a bloke named Jack notices his digital military watch has changed to 13/13/13. He isn’t happy with this and accuses his buddies of tampering with his knock off Casio. Maybe the watch was made in Taiwan?

Jack is going through a divorce, and he calls home to check on his twelve year old daughter Kendra. The demon child is behaving oddly, showing all the hallmarks of a serial killer by eating a small spider. Inside the house Jack and the boys find Jack’s estranged ex-wife Marcy working hard on those dishes in the kitchen. At that moment I found it surprising that a house of that size doesn’t have a dishwasher. When Jack’s curiosity gets the better of him and he gets a closer look at what Marcia is doing, he discovers an unsightly gash on her wrist.

Being the doting kind of ex-hubby Jack escorts Marcy to hospital. Every staff member in A&E is stressed and on the verge of meltdown; so, nothing strange there then. But things do take a turn for the worse, when Marcy begins to behave irrationally. I’ll try to avoid spoilers, but if you know Bressack’s work then it will involve a lot of blood.

Meanwhile at home little Kendra matures early into a cold eyed killer and bashes the skull of one of Jack’s pals onto the front yard concrete. She then runs away. The film flicks back from Jack in the hospital to events at his ex-wife’s home, until Jack returns home with a woman named Candace who he picked up at the hospital.

Looking at the acting in display, Trae Ireland is alright at playing Jack, the resourceful hero, Jody Barton plays unhinged pretty well as one of Jack’s pals, but everyone else either seems on the edge of fluffing their lines or overdosing on hysteria. The best example of this is when a jacked to the gills meathead fellow in a car park goes hillariously berserk, yet despite the unsightly purple veins in his neck he can’t even seem to be able to pull off roid rage.

Weird events occur on 13/13/13, but what isn’t clear is why everyone flies into a rage. There appears to be no logical explanation to these occurrences. No bat droppings finding their way into pig food, which somehow then contaminates humans. We just have to accept that when the calendar reaches 13/13/13 all hell breaks loose. Though 13/13/13 is a watchable movie, like those SyFy films that Mark’s so fond of, because you can quite happily sit through the movie, if only just because however ridiculous it is you still want to know what happens next. ’13/13/13′ is however lacking something.

It’s that ideas thing again, Bressack has directed an interesting spin on the outbreak post-apocalyptic movie, albeit one that is missing some pizzazz i.e. a few little surprises, some good old fashioned twists and turns. In many ways this is your typical ISCFC film favourite, a film we will root for and champion, but oh, the disappointment, because it could’ve been so much better. That may be down to the editing, it may be down to the script. I appreciate the risks James Cullen Bressack took with ‘Hate Crime’ and ‘To Jennifer’, but ‘13/13/13’ pushes no boundaries and seems oddly restrained for a movie centred on people going absolutely insane.


13/13/13 on IMDB


Independence Day-saster (2013)


Independence Day-saster could well be the most stupidly titled film SyFy have ever made, and that is an award with very heavy competition. It’s long been my contention that the dumber the title, the worse the film, but will this buck the trend?

I started off worried – the cast list is star-free, with the biggest name being Tom Everett Scott, who I remember fondly from “Dead Man On Campus”, here playing the President of the USA. But as the film went on, I became less worried. In fact, I have a dark confession to make…

I actually rather liked this! Just random chance indicates that every now and again, they’ll pull it off, and here we are with a fairly decent (if extremely low budget) version of “Independence Day” (unlike their occasional workmates at The Asylum, SyFy are less worried about ripping off the title and the plot at the same time). It rips along, there are no particularly terrible performances or gaping plot holes, and aside from an unsatisfying ending, it’s about as good as SyFy movies have ever been.

The President is in his special helicopter, going back to his small home town for a July 4th celebration. His son is already there, along with his brother (who’s a firefighter), a few of the son’s friends and a sexy scientist who’s been experimenting with a special “phonon” ray. Unfortunately, a bunch of aliens decide to invade, so we get these weird spinning balls spoiling the party that have what looks like a sawblade in the middle – tell you what, here’s a picture of them:


The President’s helicopter gets shot down and we’re told more than shown about the widespread destruction the aliens have caused to the rest of the world – capital cities getting wiped out, that sort of thing. The brother, the scientist and the teenagers sort-of bumble along in the countryside, trying to get to a military base but mostly just watching the aliens and realising the phonon ray can be used as a weapon against them.

The President survives his wreck and at the first barn he comes to, finds the world’s two greatest hackers. The hackers help him stop the Vice President, who’s seized his opportunity to take the reins of power without bothering to check if the President is still alive or not, and stop his crazy plan to blow up the aliens (which wouldn’t have worked) just in time. There’s a very weak version of the famous speech from “Independence Day”, some brave sacrifices, and, like I said, a really dumb “horror film that’s expecting a sequel” ending, devaluing everything that’s gone before.

I’ve been trying to think of why this film works where so many other SyFy / Asylum films don’t. Firstly, it’s got a nice sense of humour – the funny situations and lines aren’t overplayed; and they trust most of them to the best actors. There’s no attempt to crowbar in a romance anywhere, which is just an excuse to manufacture drama. They don’t try and put their cheap CGI front and centre of any scenes, really, and use it fairly sparingly (although this does result in some odd shots like people watching a space battle rather than just the space battle itself). There’s relatively little padding too.

If you’re the sort of person who’s watched a few of these sort of films, I’d definitely recommend this one. Fun, fairly exciting and I was so engrossed I barely wrote any “what is this garbage?” notes.



Late Morning Movie News

This isn’t even news, just interesting time wasters found on the Internet.


A 668 word review of Matt Zoller Seitz’s ‘The Wes Anderson Collection’ at Hope Lies


Wesley Morris’ The Song of Solomon: The cultural crater of Steve McQueen’s ’12 Years a Slave’


6 Movies that are inexplicably getting sequels decades later on Cracked dot com


Top 5 Movie Dogs at Pretty Clever Films


Behind the scenes on set of ‘The Shining’, a collection of pics at The Chive

Ragin Cajun Redneck Gators (2013)



The SyFy Channel keeps making em, and I’m a pretty lazy reviewer, so this relationship between us could continue for ever. They’re weirdly schizophrenic, these films – are we supposed to accept them as low-budget action / thriller films, or as wink-wink comedies where we’re all laughing along together? They tend to fall somewhere between the two stools, but how did “Ragin Cajun Redneck Gators” fare?

First and foremost, the accents in this film suck. It’s set somewhere in the Louisiana bayou, so there’s lots of that Cajun accent (it’s not just a clever title). But there’s also a lot of “stereotypical redneck” and a few big-city accents too. If I can spot your bad accents, then you know they’re bad. Two of the people who don’t even really try accents are Jordan Hinson (the daughter from SyFy show “Eureka”), playing returning-from-college Avery Doucette, and Victor Webster (the star of “Mutant X” and Hunky McMancop from “Continuum”) although, to be fair, he does have the excuse of playing a Steve Irwin type in this film and not being from the area.

This film is about two feuding families, the Doucettes and the Robichauds. Avery, despite having been away at college for four years and never popping home for a visit, immediately resumes her relationship with Dathan Robichaud, and this causes all sorts of shenanigans. The Robichauds are making moonshine, which, because of a new chemical they’re using in the process, is blue (a bit of a reference to the amazing “Breaking Bad” and its blue meth, I think). They also really suck at making it, because they’re forever tipping their spoiled batches into the bayou, and wouldn’t you just know it? The moonshine is causing the alligators to mutate.


As well as literally having red necks, they can fire one of the “quills” from their tail and are bigger than the average. Their bite also has an unusual effect on anyone who survives it…

Too many of the characters just don’t seem like remotely real people, they seem like employees of the “Redneck Theme Park”. The patriarch of the Doucette clan talks entirely in old-timey sayings; one of the Robichaud boys is a toothless grinning moron who carries a banjo (!); and the rest of them aren’t much better. It’s not so much lazy stereotyping, as lazy, pointless, moderately offensive stereotyping.

The female sheriff puts gender equality back a few decades when she panics in absolutely ludicrous fashion when confronted by a redneck gator – even if it’s really big, you’d have to assume she’d have seen big alligators before, and one of the people we’re sort-of supposed to be cheering on throws a dog to a gator to give them the chance to run away (this was the moment my wife went from indifference to hatred of this film).

The only moderately worthwhile bit of the film is Victor Webster’s introduction as “The Gator Whisperer”. He’s part Steve Irwin, part every character who’s ever been on “Duck Dynasty” or one of the other bayou-based reality shows that are all over US TV at the moment. I’ve never thought of him as an amazing actor, but he shows everyone else in the cast up comfortably, and makes his character’s relatively brief screen time count.

The computer programme the filmmakers used clearly only had one template for gator, as every single one of them in this film looked exactly identical. I didn’t come into the film expecting mega-CGI, but even so, they could have tried a bit harder. Towards the end, one of the characters goes “When I wake up, I want none of this to be true” to which I replied sadly, “me too, mate, me too”.

Anyway, this film commits the cardinal sin of cheap monster movies – it’s boring. Twists are signposted a mile away, the ending is pathetic, the acting is mostly garbage and the central romance is unbelievable, goes nowhere and just drags the film out.

There’s no reason why films like this have to be boring, though. SyFy Channel clearly have a business model that works, where you have a wacky title, and the advertisers buy enough space for them to make a bit of a profit (plus DVD sales for any hits like “Sharknado”). They could be operating a system like Roger Corman did in the 60s and 70s, where he gave all sorts of new directors and writers the chance to do pretty much whatever they wanted, budget notwithstanding. The people funding these films clearly don’t give two hoots whether the films are any good or not, so why not give the filmmakers the chance to make something genuinely interesting? Instead, we get instalment 735 in the “boring SyFy Channel movie” series, slow, dull, barely worth my effort to review and absolutely not worth your effort to watch.

LIterally the only reason this film got made

LIterally the only reason this film got made


Creature from the Haunted Sea (1961)


Directed by: Roger Corman

In recent months I’ve been reviewing movies in bunches. The films I’ve reviewed have had a uniting theme, such as forgotten gems of the early nineties or outlaw biker films. Given that the last film I reviewed was ‘The Fifth Estate’, it is asking a lot to try and connect a film about WikiLeaks with ‘Creature from the Haunted Sea’, but both somehow they both fit under the airy umbrella of ‘films with a political theme’. See, ‘Creature from the Haunted Sea’ is set against the backdrop of cold war paranoia, and the United States embargo against Cuba.

I’ve been thinking about politics a lot recently, mostly populist rhetoric. Russell Brand’s interview with Paxman on ‘Newsnight’ to promote the latest issue of ‘The New Statesman’ has got a lot of my friends excited about the possibility that revolution is in the air. Although if I’m not mistaken similar sentiments were sung by forgotten singer songwriter Sandi Thom. I’ve watched the interview a few times and all I hear is a charming witty verbose man using a lot of big words but ultimately saying nothing. If anything Brand seems to be advocating the continuing wave of apathy that lurks around the ballot box. Forgetting that exercising your right to vote doesn’t just mean National Elections, but at local level as well. It is here, locally, where significant changes can be made, and in his words provide “a service to humanity”. Change can happen, and indeed has happened thanks to a democratic political process. I respect Brand as a comedian, and admire has stance on drug rehabilitation, but he just seemed a long way off the mark here.

Phew… went a bit off track there. ‘Creature from the Haunted Sea’, Roger Corman’s black and white B movie, brings together spies and sea monsters. Imagine James Bond meets ‘Sesame Street’. The film begins when a shoe shiner gets murdered by two bearded men. Prior to getting shot the shoe shiner had got off his fuckin’ shinebox and put a message in the sock of an American agent who goes by the alias of Sparks Moran, his real name is SK150.
SK150 meets a woman in a shady bar; their dialogue is hilarious, taking me back to childhood memories of Leslie Nielsen and Priscilla Presley’s exchanges in ‘The Naked Gun’ franchise. After finishing a game of chess a woman says “Long live the king”. SK150 asks her “Is that supposed to be a political remark”. The woman says “I don’t know anything about politics”. After the bar scene we’re treated to a cartoon montage that explains to us the overthrow of the Cuban government.

The spy’s job is to retrieve Cuban gold that is being held on a boat Captained by a dodgy fella named Renzo who’s done a deal with the Cuban treasury to transport some the loot out of the country. The crew comprises of crooks, gangsters, Cuban military and a moll called Mary-Belle. All of the crew have several aliases and Corman introduces us to almost each and every person on board. The best of the bunch is a simpleton who imitates animals, he makes a guttural sound after his introduction and we’re told “that for instance was the mating call of a Himalyan Yak”. He becomes more annoying than Michael Winslow in the ‘Police Academy’ films.

‘Creature from the Haunted Sea’ drifts along until the boat is deliberately crashed by Renzo into the rocks; he tries to blame this accident and the disappearance of a crew member on a mythical sea monster. This bizarre opportunity allows SK150 to try and get the treasure away from the clutches of Renzo. When the crew find themselves on a desert island we finally get introduced to the creature. This sea beast looks like the entry in a playschool competition for making your favourite ‘Sesame Street’ character. The whole film takes a bizarre turn when the creature appears. Not least because it encourages the local islanders, a bunch of bad Latin stereotypes to get in the way.

At times the scenery literally falls apart around the actors, in one scene somebody is on the phone and a bit of shrubbery drops on them. Corman’s intention with ‘Creature from the Haunted Sea’ seemed to be to make a comedy that parodies our fascination for mythical monsters. The movie provides a host of laughs, and demonstrates the appeal of a giant farce. Everything is ridiculous, and that’s what makes it wonderful. Corman when filming ‘The Last Woman on Earth’ in Puerto Rico decided to put together this movie with the same cast because of tax incentives. It showcased his abilities as a filmmaker, because somehow he managed to put together something unique like this on the fly.


Creature from the Haunted Sea on IMDB

The Fifth Estate (2013)


Directed by: Bill Condon

The problem with the accelerated nature of the information age is that the dust of history doesn’t get time to settle. There is no longer time to tell the story, because the story is always in progress. The temptation to strike whilst public interest was hot and release a film about the rise of WikiLeaks and its mercurial founder Julian Assange was therefore a difficult one to make, particularly in light of the Manning case verdict and the recent adventures of Edward Snowden. The story is still developing at a pace, and Julian Assange is no longer the main character.

You could also argue that it is the right time for Assange’s story to be told, given he is stuck in purgatory, living in the Ecuadorean Embassy. Despite it seeming like he’s a bit player now, and that the battle has moved on without him, ‘The Fifth Estate’ shows there was a time when Assange did not need to be seen, he could exist behind multiple deeply encrypted online identities. His location was not even a relevant factor. All that mattered was that he had information at his fingertips. His best work was done when nobody knew he existed.

Josh Singer’s screenplay leant heavily on Daniel Domscheit-Berg’s book ‘Inside WikiLeaks: My Time with Julian Assange and the World’s Most Dangerous Website’. The film very much is about Daniel and how he perceives Assange. Daniel Brühl is excellent as Domscheit-Berg, a tech head wannabe hactivist who becomes Assange’s devoted right hand man. Domscheit-Berg is presented as the conscience of the movie, and the only person who still follows the WikiLeaks mission right until the end, as Assange develops a messiah complex and gets lost in his self-created cult of personality.

Benedict Cumberbatch, one of the finest British acting talents around at the moment has a good go at mimicking Assange’s Australian accent, which takes a little bit of getting used to. In fact, the first five minutes for me was a period of adjustment, trying to get used to Cumberbatch’s version of Assange’s cloying twang. Cumberbatch is good, but I think he doesn’t quite get the magnetic aspect of Assange right. From the numerous interviews I’ve seen with Assange, there is this soft, almost playful media side to his personality, and that is not really captured here.

Considering the talent involved in the film there is a lot of waste, plenty of scenes that don’t seem to serve much purpose. In particular I didn’t understand the point of the scenes featuring Sam Coulson (Anthony Mackie) and Sarah Shaw (Laura Linney) other than to try and make this more appealing to an American audience. The news clips used in the film seem to serve enough of a purpose to make us understand that WikiLeaks was arousing the suspicion of the American government. Yet Bill Condon persists with the American angle; Shaw is involved in a story where she attempts to assist a Libyan doctor and his family escape from Tripoli, but what’s that got to do with the main narrative, other then to reassure us that not all people in the American government are corrupt? If anything it takes us off track.

I really liked David Thewlis’ performance as the Guardian’s Nick Davies but his role felt half-cooked. Thewlis and Cumberbatch’s tension is perfect when Davies and Assange debate about the relevance of old media outlets like The Guardian, and what Journalism used to be; to the role of new media and the rise of the citizen journalist. This is a snippet of the wider debate that WikiLeaks has ignited, encouraging us to think more about the information we are receive and not just absorb news passively.

‘The Fifth Estate’ lacks the focus of another recent tech thriller, David Fincher’s ‘The Social Network’, and if we go back further it doesn’t really learn any lessons of how to present claustrophobic intensity from the classic film that ‘The Fifth Estate’ references at least twice – ‘All The President’s Men’. If you swap the typewriters for laptops, then you’ve got a similar blueprint to the original whistleblowing story. For some reason, be it the distraction of the American government scenes or the tendency to dwell too much upon Daniel’s relationship strife, Cumberbatch and Brühl are unable to find the same space to shine like Hoffman and Redford did.

In ‘The Fifth Estate’ Assange is painted unfavourably, he uses most of the people in his life, he quite literally steals their clothes, he is very much the boy geek trying unsuccessfully to be a new media rockstar. Assange’s portrayal is not even the biggest problem with the film; the main issue is how director Bill Condon presents technology. We’re treated to ridiculous dream sequences of Assange and Domscheit-Berg sitting in a mass of desks. Looking more like they’ve stumbled into an assembly hall that is about to house a GCSE IT exam.

There are several crucial details missed in the Julian Assange story. Though Assange flirts with several women in Berlin squat houses and at geek gatherings, that alleged incident in Sweden, key to his current detention, is not mentioned until the very end of the film, when a bit of text flashes on the screen. It is the hot potato Bill Condon doesn’t want to touch.

‘The Fifth Estate’ only really tells half the story, but it is worth watching to marvel at the imposing screen presence of Cumberbatch, and the ever impressive Brühl, who like in ‘Rush’ almost steals the show from the headline act.


The Fifth Estate on IMDB

Morning Movie News

I’ve been a little scatter brained recently, but belatedly here is an infrequent summary of music news and choice articles from around the web.


One of our own, Greg Foster takes a look at 20 interesting films from one-time movie megastars at Den of Geek


Emily Yoshida over at Grantland tells us that Tom Hardy will star in the Elton John biopic ‘Rocketman’


AV Club’s Internet Film School sits down to watch ‘Donnie Darko’

vice logo

Johnny Knoxville staying in character at VICE…


Mark Kermode reviews “the boat movie” aka Captain Phillips

Youtube Film Club: Sleepaway Camp 3 – Teenage Wasteland (1989)

She's not in the film, by the way

She’s not in the film, by the way

You’re welcome, ISCFC!

This is numerically the middle of the Sleepaway Camp series, but is really more like the end of the initial trilogy. Parts 2 and 3 were shot back to back using the same sets, for some reason; part 4 lay unfinished for years, and has only recently been released, with very heavy use of footage from the first three films to pad it out (but more on that when I come to do my review of it). Part 5 is “Return to Sleepaway Camp” and was made twenty years after all these, and I’m almost certain won’t have a lot in common with them either (place your bets now – I reckon we’ll get a 5 second cameo from Pamela Springsteen and that’s it).

“Teenage Wasteland” starts with a New York teenager on her way to summer camp, whose parents who don’t seem to care in the slightest about her. Is she to be the misunderstood heroine who saves the day? Nope. She gets chased down and murdered by a garbage truck driven by…Angela! You can’t keep a good murderer down, and she steals the dead girl’s identity and off to summer camp we go. If you were wondering how Angela found out the names and addresses of the kids going to summer camp, picked the one most likely to be leaving their house at 6am unaccompanied by parents or friends, dressed exactly like her, stole a garbage truck, and was able to run down and kill the girl in the very short amount of time before the camp van arrived, compacting her in the truck, without anyone noticing either immediately or when emptying the truck…then this is going to be a long, frustrating experience for you.

The new owners of the camp, while trying to keep the 19 murders the year before a secret, are doing a scheme where poor kids and rich kids get together, foster understanding, and have a good time. There’s a news crew there to cover this, and because the reporter asks Angela for some cocaine, she gets given bleach and dies in the car on the way back from camp. Now, I’m no rocket scientist, but if someone dies on the way back from the scene of a bunch of murders, where the killer is still on the loose, I reckon one or two alarm bells would ring with the local police. But luckily we’re in the consequence-free environment of Sleepaway Camp here, and the newslady is never mentioned again.

I feel I would be remiss in my duties as a film reviewer if I didn’t mention the camp. Camps, when you see them on films and TV, tend to be busy places, packed with staff, counsellors and campers. Presumably, they cost a fair bit to run. Camp New Horizons, on the other hand, has three staff and twelve campers, and absolutely zero amenities. I realise it’s a low budget piece of garbage, but they couldn’t have hired a bunch of extras for a day of running around? Or got some stock footage of campers enjoying themselves? The rich kids say they paid $3,000 for the experience, but there’s no kitchen staff, no entertainment and, more importantly, IT’S THE SITE OF 19 MURDERS WHERE THE KILLER WAS NEVER CAUGHT

We still have a few standard summer-camp tropes, like the dorm full of girls who walk around topless (my wife informs me that this rarely happens in real life), so they’re at least trying. The hottest girl there is implausibly extremely attracted to the weird old guy who runs the place, but that’s the least of the problems this film has. The 12 kids are split into three groups, for no readily apparent reason other than it was probably cheaper to film that way – you can film one group for a few days, then send them home, film another and so on, and get everyone together for the beginning and end. Or maybe this film just sucks. While fishing, they pull a hockey mask out of the lake, and I’m really not sure if this is a reference to the kid with the mask in “Sleepaway Camp 2”, or they just forgot about that and made another reference to the much more popular Friday the 13th film series (I’m going with the latter, as one of them asks what date it is and his friend replies “Saturday the 14th”).

One of the kids is kind enough to suggest an alternate title for this cinematic masterpiece – while sat around discussing their favourite films, he says “I like the ones with tits and blood”. So, I propose this be renamed “Sleepaway Camp 3: Tits and Blood”. It’s a winner!

Really, we don’t need to go on much from here. I’m going to spoil the hell out of the ending, so you might want to watch it first, but Angela relentlessly kills her way through the kids and staff. There’s a sense of fun-less inevitability to it all – no-one suspects Angela at any time, no-one notices that their co-campers are all dead, and everyone just accepts Angela’s odd movements with the barest hint of an explanation. One of the staff, an off-duty cop who is the father of one of the kids Angela killed in part 2, might reasonably be expected to be there waiting to see if she came back to the scene of the crime, but he only realises who she is a few seconds before she kills him – and even spends time telling the other kids that there’s no photographs of her, and her juvenile records were destroyed when she turned 18, so there’s zero description of probably the most notorious killer in America.

Consulting my notes, I see for this part of the film I just wrote “blah blah blah murder”, so I think we can safely move on to the end. She’s sort of got a reason for killing, moral purity or something, so a couple of the kids are allowed to survive the little game Angela sets up at the end. They didn’t cuss or take drugs or have premarital sex, and this satisifes Angela as she smiles and trots towards a jeep to make a getaway, only to be chased by the remaining girl and seemingly killed. After slaughtering her way through three summer camps, all it takes is a lucky blow to the gut with an axe and Angela is done for. Or is she? The cop and paramedic in the back of the ambulance realise she’s still alive, and while they’re debating killing her for the greater good, she wakes up and manages to get the drop on them both, killing them easily.

So here ends the journey of Angela from a boy, brought up as a girl by an insane grief-stricken aunt, to post-op transsexual invincible mass murderer. When you effectively come back from the dead, that’s when the films starring you start to get a bit silly – aka, any film after part 1 of the Friday 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street or Halloween series. There’s another couple of films to make it through, but even with the pathetically low standard of these three, I bet they’ll be disappointing.

Woman finds best way to watch film

Woman finds best way to watch film

One might reasonably have assumed that after two poor films, and with the increasing, implausibility of getting Angela back in a summer camp, that this film might have played it for laughs (the presence of Michael J Pollard and Jennifer Coolidge, both hamming it up, might have contributed to this idea), but no. It’s leaden  and unfunny and not scary or interesting. It’s like watching a postie deliver mail, entirely uneventfully. What surprises me is the devoted cult following these films have – part 1, while absolute garbage by any reasonable definition, looks like Shakespeare performed by the RSC compared to parts 2 and 3. I just think some people have a perverse desire to unironically like the worst films, because these are not the camp classics that “The Room” and “Troll 2” are. They’re just bad, bad films and are barely worth the effort of watching.

Next up, part 4! “The Survivor”, but can I survive it?