The first shock that comes while watching this film is realising it’s not a SyFy Channel original movie, or one from Asylum Entertainment, king of the “mockbuster”. But if you can handle some company with no form in cheap sci-fi, then strap yourself in and get ready for the end of the world.
The sun is all messed up, and turns into…hold on, I’m going to need to go and look this up…a “magnetar”…which is a super powerful magnetic thing. It sends Mercury off its orbit, Mercury starts heading towards the Earth, and we then get three separate stories (that gradually come together, natch).
First up is disgraced former scientist, James, who had a great idea for a planet-protecting weapon called Project 7. But the suits upstairs cancelled funding for it, and now he’s a teacher. We also get the crew of a spaceship which is badly damaged when Mercury goes off course and the gravitational wave from the Sun washes over them. They’re trying to get back to Earth, but the only people they can contact (that wave destroyed all the satellites) are two college students who have a conspiracy theory-based radio show / podcast.
I sort of feel bad about reviewing a film like this. In reading this, you’ve given it more attention than it probably deserves. I hope films like this are tax dodges, money invested by rich people and spent in places that give you benefits of some sort. Otherwise, I’m at a loss as to why anyone would bother getting out of bed in the morning to work on a film like “Collision Earth”.
But I’ll try and find something interesting to say about it. First up, there’s a couple of lovely women who’ve been in my favourite cheesy TV shows of recent years – Diane Farr, of “Numb3rs” and “Californication”, and Jessica Parker Kennedy of “Secret Circle”. Oh, and Kirk Acevedo who was in “Fringe” too.
Wow, I’m really struggling to find something positive to say. There’s a bit about halfway through where the two kids try to get to the government base to talk to the main scientists. The security guard does the whole “you kids need to get out of here” garbage you’ve seen a thousand times…now, I’m no genius, but if you’d seen the huge wave that knocked out all communication everywhere, and the meteors hitting the planet, do you not think you’d be a bit more receptive to an emergency? Besides, how many crazy people turn up at the front door of government bases with incredibly specific requests?
You know how it’s going to end, I suppose. The twenty people in the film, who appear to be the only 20 people on Earth (low-budget films don’t have any extras, usually), are mostly going to survive, except one of the government “I can’t believe this crazy idea, get off my base” types will get killed in some blast of poetic justice.
I’m sorry, ISCFC readers. I can only review what I have in front of me. But I’ll do my best to review something next that’s either much worse or much better. Or work harder on writing a bunch of jokes and asides about what my dog is up to to insert into the next one.
RATING: *shrug* out of 10
EDIT: I did a bit of looking, and it turns out this is a SyFy Channel movie. Whoops! Hands up if you’ve seen at least five SyFy movies but have yet to see any of the films of Yasujiro Ozu or Fassbinder?